On Sunday night, B and I went to go see ‘After the Quake’ at the Berkeley Repertory Theater. We haven’t been to a play in ages. Musicals and operas, yes. A straight ass play, no. Almost embarrassing to say, but I haven’t seen a play since Cal Poly days. We can’t even call ourselves thespians anymore. I should tear up my card now! Anyway, the play was good, and I did indeed take some favorite characters to heart.

I’m gettin’ down and dirty now on my thesis. The compositional part is done, but the analysis part is left. I have absolutely no motivation to do this portion. Deep down, I believe that I hate it because I have to admit that I don’t have a master plan when it comes to composing. I am going through my piece and wondering, “what’s that chord?” and, “why did I do that?” and, “damn, answer me, fool! why did you do that?!”

I have composed this piece almost entirely by ear. Aya! WTF? Now I wonder how the heck I’m supposed to prevent this earthquake from happening. This, my friends, is how much of a newbie I am. I admit it. I give in.

A while back, a professor asked us what our technique was. I was silently thinking, “what technique? wtf?” I can blab away about piano technique, but this fresh-ass composition student didn’t know where to start. I got nervous, but then thought, “Well, this is a discussion, right? I can learn something here.”

My turn was up, so I just blurted the first thing that came to me, (which is the first thing that happens when I’m composing), “A motive comes into my head, and then I run with it. I think about form later. I guess I don’t really have a set form of technique.”

SILENCE…..oh crap, yup, I’m an idiot. Okay, point and laugh at the stupid newbie. Finally, after a long pause and shaking of the head, “Wow,” followed by more shaking of the head and a condescending tone, “You need to learn a lot.”

Needless to say, I left angry. I thought, no fucking shit, Sherlock. Doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that out. Give me something that I can use. It also didn’t help that another student said just about the same thing earlier, but he received a normal response. For some weird reason, I had to step up my game even more than he did. But, I also realize now that my lack of confidence in even my newbie technique killed that whole discussion.

Now, my lack of confidence in theory and technique together, is killing my motivation to analyze my piece. Although I am very, very, very bad at verbalizing music theory, I can figure it out and write it down like a bad-ass. Plus, I love the last movement of my piece (because that’s a piece of bad-ass too), so I have something to look forward to. I guess I should just believe in that, and start with that piece of motivation. aaaaahhh… feel better now.

Sometimes, I see the music world as just one big guys club. Only sausage and beans allowed here, folks. As a result, I have to not only work harder, but create something even better to feel as equals. It’s funny, even in the corporate world, I never had a feeling that my gender kept me down. It wasn’t until I went back to school and into this industry that I see the very dark, black lines. It’s not just music, it’s in many other art related fields as well. How funny…. artists are supposed to be revolutionary, but their traditions are so conservative. Inexcusable.

I have been doing some minor revisions to my trio, and it is very exciting to feel that the end is near. The part that concerns me a little bit though, is formatting my piece in Finale. I like the program, and it’s been alright for me so far… knock on wood. But I definitely do find myself saying,

“how do I…”
“why can’t it…”
“why won’t it…”
“why does it…”
“what is…”
“where is…”
“oh shit.”

Because of that, my favorite buttons are,

apple Z
apple S

Sigh….where would we be without computers?

B’s birthday is today, so I am ending his birthday extravaganza with an art project. The bass drum pedal is actually screen printed on by my little Gocco. I put some varnish on it, and the ink ran a little, but not that bad. This shot is before the varnish, so I’m glad I got a picture of it before I messed it up.

On Friday night, I went into the city with a couple friends to see an art show by Lorena Siminovich of *Petit Collage* at *Doe*. Her artwork reminds me of the happy things of childhood, as well as the good things that we should appreciate as adults. What’s even better, is the artist herself, is just as friendly and sweet as her work. Her humor and wit is an added bonus too! It’s always nice to meet artists who do not have a “stick up their ass” attitude. I deal too much of that crap with the industry that I’m in, and it is no better in the art community. So, Lorena is a breath of fresh air, and her art is something everyone wants more than one of.

Before the show, we went to eat at *Indian Oven* on Fillmore and Haight. Everything we ordered was so good. I recommend eating everything there, especially the Chilean Sea Bass… I know, so bad to eat, but it was so good.

I love this ceramic toothpick holder from Hakusan Porcelain Co. I’ve been trying to find this for the longest time, but can’t seem to find it where I can buy with US dollars. One of my favorite websites that I like to check here and then, is *BG Shop*. They have the cutest stuff, but it’s pretty darn hard to order in Japanese. I also love the Atelier prints on the napkins and placemats.

With some minor adjustments and editing… the Trio is pretty much done. The ray of sunshine is hitting me in the face right now. Now it’s time to work on the analysis…poop.

I almost finished my Trio last night. I say almost, because I haven’t had my lesson yet, and I have a feeling that there will be some editing to be done. My lesson with F is today, so I am hoping that everything just sounds good. If there are only minor things to adjust, I will feel great. If there are major things to adjust, I think I might cry. The rough draft of the thesis is due next Friday, so this glimmering light that I see right now needs to become a whole fucking ray of sunshine.

I have had my eye on this fabric from *Joel Dewberry* for quite some time now. My problem is, I keep buying fabric, and then I don’t do anything with it. The bigger problem is, is that I don’t know how to sew very well. Whenever I find a fabric pattern that I like, I always tell myself that I’ll make a cool pillow out of it. Well, I am running out of places in my house to put more pillows. I thought that this “wood” fabric would also look cool as a pillow, and it comes in a lot of other colors as well. But, I shouldn’t, I can’t, and I shan’t make another pillow. Should I hold on to this thing, or let it go? Hmmmm….. ideas anyone? Oh, how about a seat cushion cover? Now, that’s not really a pillow, right?

B ran in the Silicon Valley Marathon yesterday with his brother, and completed his first marathon in 5h 27m. I get super ancy doing one thing for over 5 hours. Running for 30 minutes is the maximum for me and my attention span. But B did it, and did it with style! This was his first marathon, and his brother’s 5th marathon. He didn’t lose any toenails, so that was good. Didn’t get injured, so that was even better. He did get some nasty B.O., so that wasn’t so good. But all in all, his 26.2 miles was a breeze. Well, it was a breeze for me since I just came to the finish line. He may have something different to say about it.

On Friday night, we went out for a friend’s b-day to A Cote (5478 College Avenue, Oakland, Ca). This is a small plate restaurant that features French cuisine. Remember, it’s French, so come prepared to eat cream and butter. Glorious cream and butter! Not good for the diet, but very good for the tummy, yummy! Fortunately, they don’t overdo it, so you don’t feel like you just ate a tire when you walk out of there. The mussels are fantastic, and so is every type of potato dish. We also had the Flat Iron steak (marvelous), duck pizza, rabbit sausages, grilled calamari, mushroom soup, swordfish, and the arugula salad. Everything was good, and the atmosphere was fun as well. Definitely a cool place to go for a fun date, but it is quite noisy. I recommend making reservations as well if you can.